Thursday, April 4, 2013

A to Z Blog Challenge-Depression

This is not an easy topic for me to write about, nor is it going to be easy to click the “publish” button when I’m finished.  However, I’ve realized lately that I am keeping too many things to myself, and perhaps writing about them will help me work through them.

I was officially diagnosed with depression in 2004, but I’m sure it was present for many years before that.  For a long time, I ignored it, as I have always been someone who cries easily.  I attributed it to the change of seasons and the extra-long winters we tend to have in western New York.  I thought perhaps it was due to the fact that I wasn’t getting pregnant when all the people around me were having babies.  But after a while, I was unable to ignore it anymore.  I had no interest in activities that I had once loved, primarily scrapbooking and cross stitch.  I wasn’t sleeping.  I was eating all the time, comfort foods and sweets that weren’t at all good for me.  I finally got up the nerve to talk to my doctor about it, asking her about a medication that I had read about online.  She wasn’t a fan of the one I had asked about, but prescribed another one. 

I was a new person after a short period of time.  I was happier and I was finding myself once again loving my crafts.  I was trying to deal with the fact that I might never be a mom.  I was also gaining weight, a side effect of the drug I was taking.  I can’t remember how long I took it for, before I weaned myself off.  It was at least a year. 

Since then, I’ve tried a series of drugs.  I’ve participated in a research study for a new drug.  I’ve taken medication for a while, stopped taking it when I felt better, and started again when I was feeling bad.  I’ve learned strategies to deal with my emotions.  I’ve learned the triggers for my more serious bouts with depression, and while I can’t always avoid those triggers, I can at least cope with them.  Through it all, I’ve learned a great deal about myself, and I’ve become a stronger person. 

And I became a mom!  I had stopped thinking about, wondering about, and worrying about having a baby.  That was when I discovered, in September of 2009, that I was expecting.  While having my daughter hasn’t cured my depression, it has definitely helped.

Would I recommend doing things the way I did, taking myself on and off meds without asking my doctor?  Definitely not!  Would I recommend talking to your doctor if you think you have any form of depression?  Most definitely!  It was the best thing I ever did for myself!

There are numerous places online where you can check for signs and symptoms of depression, and quizzes you can take.  As someone who has dealt with it for many years, I would also be happy to talk to anyone! 


  1. I have also been affected by depression as well as anxiety, and medication has been a godsend for me. I admire your courage in telling this story and especially in knowing you needed help and getting it. It's not an easy thing to do. Too many people ignore or devalue their symptoms out of fear of stigma, of being "weak," but that's the worst thing they can do. I'm glad your life is back on track and that you have your beautiful little girl!

  2. my sister battles with depression, so I have deep sympathies for what you experience. Tough subject and I respect your being willing to talk about it. A positive thing to do as many may feel they are all alone and they aren't. Enjoy your day! Love that photo of your daughter!

  3. So happy that you are back on track and your daughter is beautiful.

  4. This is brave of you to post and I applaud you. So many people can relate, myself included. I am 25 and was diagnosed at age 15. It is a daily battle, and I am proud of you.

  5. Much respect to you for having the courage to write and post about this. And congrats also for doing what you need to keep yourself happy. Acknowledging is sometimes the toughest part.

  6. Congratulations on being a mom! I love being a mom. It took a lot of courage to write this, I know it did, and I appreciate it a lot. By writing this you will help/inspire others who might be suffering the same problem.